JD's Lighthouse

Pythagoras and friends.

2011-02-16T14:42:00.000-08:00

FOUR

decide, I might decide
that all I want is just
another shade of green
that hope is just a simple scheme
in which what I decide it's real
indeed it's real, I've seen it all
it overcomes me every morning
and buries me with dreams at night.

decide, I can't decide
if what I am is put
in contraddiction's light
I've been a whole, I've been a part
and still apart from you I write.
It all is real, I've seen my soul
with its clenched fists
and no more flaws than before.

decide if four is just one more than tree
or if it sounds enough to me?

***

ARABESQUE

when I opened the window
it was dark outside,
and dark inside of me.
then I figured out it all was
either a dream or I should have
been a phoenix
to be so elegantly bursting into flames.

when in doubt, I fill the blanks
in my mind with arpeggi
ignore me if you think my love
is only a music

I still hesitate to say
it's the clearest I'll ever see you
there outside my bubble
when I opened the window
and I knew it all was either a dream
or I should have been a flower
for such a sun.

***

N1

what do you want me to sing of?
Harmony was born from Aphrodite
and Ares, so I can only write of
love and war.

I don't belong with those who go
my place is here among the ones who wait
and say it's time, it's time for nothing.

you should know, it's this that makes
me sick of everyone who waits with me
but God, I see no one, just me and a myth.

I see enemies, I see cavalry
I see things like your smile and I'm lost
I'm the fallout of a love bomb.

***

ENTERTAINMENT

I was born, I was worn out
I was dead wrong
I was healing, I was feeling like
the Nile in Luxor.
is there a delicate way to tell myself
I love what happens
when everything turns into you
eventually.

I was yours, just as yours
as your own body
you were limit to the limitless
an ancient yearning
is there an easier way to tell you
I know what happens
when gypsies and poets alike
desert me.

***

SOLESTE'S DANCE - a duet

don't listen to the girl from Islington
cuz she knows the truth, and the truth hurts
the castle walls they make you protect
with spells and love potions, are tumbling
along with years of proud loving
of holding tight to really nothing
and it's nothing that keeps us apart
and nothing will bring us together.

don't be afraid of heights
don't be afraid of your eyes
staring at your love as an enemy
wearing the colours of fate.

but don't listen to the girl from Islington
what does she know of your true desires?
cause you don't either,
you've just loved a spectre for all your life.

don't be afraid of heights
don't be afraid of your eyes
staring at your love as an enemy
wearing the colours of fate.

***

Chimes | Summer '93

2010-10-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

what's left of loneliness,
of out-of-tune bells
and random memories
of devastating beauty
of the last clouds
before the sky ends

what's left of everyone,
of everyone's hands
and broken vows
of quiet october nights
in nuclear plants
before this life ends

what's left of haste
of speeding trains
and spelling mistakes
of you into my eyes
of my partial blindness
before this line ends.

Criminal Mind vol. 1-3

2010-10-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

PACIFIC

stranded on a japanese island
thrown into an hawaian volcano
just my arms and legs' graveyard
in the corner of a room.
waiting for the bravery of a moment
waiting for the courage of a lifetime
so long that every clock now
looks familiar.

I've let you into my soul
that's where I've gone wrong.

airplane drones in my evening
pacific like the ocean I know not
haven't I already paid enough
for not being yours?
am I missing anything?
just take care of yourself while I'm away
as long as I'm not awake.

I've let you into my soul
that's where I've gone wrong.
as if my skin wasn't cold
I'm letting you leave me alone.

******

RED

so welcome back
all the ways I pictured you
they don't make you justice
I must look like a wreck
in my graceful loneliness
epic love is epic.
how do you feel about
my soul shred into eights?

since it's raining in here
don't leave your waterproof smile
on the doorstep
now let my blood run slow
like magma, then go away

so welcome back
after a thousand years of sunsets
the sun himself
I must look like Eve
cuz I feel like no one's ever loved
before me
how do you feel about
me wondering how you feel?

since it's raining in here
don't leave your waterproof smile
on the doorstep
now let my blood run slow
like magma, then go away

*****

SELLING A SOUL

why bother waiting
when everything is settled
when my brain is a meadow
where violets blossom
in any winter day
when both my hands are full
of broken curses
that I'll never say aloud
wonder why?

I don't think I know how to trade my soul
for a fairly, freely declared love
do you? you who roam like a spider
the corners of my life

a farewell to everything
when everything is gone
long before you
to live off dust and mirrors
back to mess and distruction
where it belongs
where I do belong
and used to dwell
right where the rain is resting

I don't think I know how to trade my soul
for a fairly, freely declared love
do you? you who roam like a spider
the corners of my life

and now please, come back to me
you punk love, you three-chords song

Il Rosso

2010-09-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

Allora..bentornato.

Tutti i modi in cui ti ho immaginato, non ti rendono giustizia. Devo sembrare proprio un relitto, nella mia graziosa solitudine: c'è poco da fare, quando una storia è epica, è epica. Allora, cosa ne pensi della mia anima stracciata in ottavi? Cosa ne pensi di me, che sto qui a chiedermi cm ti senti tu?

Siccome qui dentro piove, non lasciare il tuo sorriso impermeabile sulla porta. Lascia che il mio sangue scorra lento, come magma, e poi vai via come al solito.

Quando tornerai, sarai il benvenuto. Come se dopo mille anni di tramonti, apparisse il sole in persona. Somiglio forse ad Eva? Perchè sai, mi sento come se nessuno avesse amato prima di me.
Cm sopra, quando una storia è epica, è epica.

{versione tradotta dall'originale "Red", versi sciolti, settembre 2010}

Ode to Sept 26th

2010-09-26T14:32:00.001-07:00

It's all foam and bubbles.
It's all tides I don't have the strenght to fight off.
My love for you
keeps me from knowing
the answer to riddles,
the rhymes for the refrain I don't want to write.

Armistice | L'Armistizio

2010-09-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

Questo è un armistizio. Quindi silenzio, per favore, sto cercando di trovare un accordo, sto cercando di tenerti in equilibrio sulla linea Maginot che è tracciata nel mio cuore. Che cos’è che ti fa pensare che la mia forza e la mia volontà non saranno sufficienti?
Sto cercando di concentrarmi..sulle cose peggiori. Sto tenendo gli occhi chiusi, serrati, sto cercando di concentrarmi. Ma non riesco a far altro che immaginarmi mentre corro per reparti chiusi di vecchi sanatori sovietici.
Butto le braccia contro il soffitto, nel tentativo di impedire al mio corpo di soffrire. Butto le braccia al cielo per consegnare il mio amore di ferro all’aria e alla ruggine.
Per favore, vieni qui in silenzio, e suggella questo accordo. Non combatto più. Ce n’è abbastanza di me, ce n’è abbastanza di te, semplicemente non se ne può più di niente. Questo è un armistizio.

********

hush, please, I'm trying
to keep you balanced
on the Maginot line
traced into my heart
what is it that makes you think
that my will and strength
won't be enough?

I'm trying to focus
on the worst things
I'm trying to keep
my eyes wide shut
but all I do is end up running
in corridors of soviet sanatoria

throw my hands up
to the ceiling
and make my body
stop this grieving
throw my hands up
to surrender
my iron love
to air and rust

please come here
and seal this deal
I fight no more
there's too much of me
there's too much of you
there's simply too much
of everything
this is an armistice

346 - CCCXLVI

2010-07-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

c'è qualcuno che parla, ha un accento americano, si meraviglia della possibilità di avere solo una persona che ti ami..e da amare. Gli errori possono essere fatti o non fatti, è tutta questione di clima. Voglio dire, dipende da quanto caldo fa nel cuore certe volte. Ed è allora, quando non puoi evitare di sbagliare, che ti chiedi..si, ti meravigli delle probabilità che c'erano, quel giorno in cui promettevi come se nessuno ti stesse guardando.

"sarò sempre quella sbagliata, un'ape da miele, buona a nulla, scapperò via e starò meglio solo quando tutte le mie cellule staranno sciogliendosi"

ma le uniche cellule che ti rimangono, che mi rimangono, sono quelle sensibili al dolore..potrebbe essere in qualche modo utile far finta che la mia gabbia toracica sia vuota?

vedi tutte le cose giuste della mia vita fanno rima in qualche modo, ed è bello da vedere..voglio dire, almeno i versi e le rime si baciano..come sempre, e sempre lo faranno.

******

american accent, somebody’s talking
marveling of the possibility
of having only one to love you
and for you to love

mistakes can be made and not made
it’s all about the weather
it’s all about how warm it gets
into your heart sometimes

and it’s then, it’s then you wonder
you marvel of the chances
there were, the day you promised
as if no one was looking at you

yes I’ll always be the wrong one
bee for honey, good for nothing,
I’ll escape and I’ll be better
when of all my cells are melting.

and the only cells still standing
are the ones who sense this sorrow
is it any good pretending
that my chest is simply hollow?

all the right things of my life
somehow rhyme, and it’s good to see
that at least these verses kiss
always have, always will.

Come le campane della chiesa madre..

2010-07-05T13:53:00.000-07:00

..ritorno a pubblicare dopo un lasso di tempo vergognoso anche per me. Chiedo venia, e la chiederò finchè non sarà venia in persona a venirsi a scusare. Amen.
Niente italiano, si torna alle origini. English please.

BONES (OneDay)

and then I surfaced, wretched and yearning
I don't know how could you thus affect me
and my little secrets (wrecking hopes)
the strength in my bones, the heat of today
I'm doing it again, again

but still we walk on
looking for each other
yes still we walk on
cause we both know
somehow we'll find each other

at last I surfaced to a sky that's a dead end
I don't know how to protect you anymore
maybe I never have, never
the sentimental side has gone, it's one day
it's someone else's story

but still we walk on
looking for each other
yes still we walk on
cause we both know
somehow we'll find
each other

and then I surfaced as a take&toss hope
as any of my own favourite songs
as an exclusive truth
that everybody knew, long before I spoke
long before I knew myself

******

RADIO CITY DELPHI

I'm back to when I was a priestess
and you were my ritual
I still expect to see you soon
climbing the stairs of this altar
and I'm back to when you were
the last thing I could fall in love with
so what on earth happened to me?

this is radio city delphi
we bring you the best news
from all around the country
of Delusion
this last hallucination
I was not prepared for
blows in my mind
like the wind in a cave
end of the broadcast

I see the temples in my own memory
stories of immortal melodies
and I always dream of writing one for you
now it feels like you never existed
neither in this life or on Sybil's leaves
I'm back to when I was a priestess
a sacred nonentity.

this is radio city delphi
we bring you the best news
from all around the country
of Delusion
this last hallucination
I was not prepared for
blows in my mind
like the wind in a cave
end of the broadcast

********

credits to: ziomi e la sua infanzia diffcile e splendida
BOOK O'LO

I love this place, I love its freezing wind
for all the times it brought your scent to me
it's been a while since something changed for real
the shades and shapes of anything concealed.
but if someone should send for me, I'm not here
I'm right around the corner, predestinated.
be quiet, your heart is waiting for the starter's sign
aren't we all? I'm sure I was.

faster, an unpredictable music's playing for me
did you lose my heart for a charm, on a dare?
among all monsters, I'm still the worst
a creature made of desire and remorse
I love this place, its funtains and its wonders
for all the times they made me look less obvious
sorrounded by the beauty of a soundtrack
come on, come dive with me into this madness.

**************

THE CHAMBER (lilacs)

you sit still into the last thought of yesterday
into the first of today, while everyone is running
towards another impossible sunset
I'm here instead trying to figure out what
is essential in the end and what is not

the moon's just let some light in through the window
across this chamber full of shadows
I picture myself tryina contemplate
your kind of perfection
incapable of speaking again, it feels like
it's been centuries since my heart last beat.

overcome by years of faith in their god
they taught me at least how to hope
for something eternal to come
though it won't be forgiveness, it won't be bliss
hope it'll be you

*************

OUTRAGEOUS

this is the tropic of unicorn
careful what you ask for
cos wishes here may turn into curses
run away, don't let your heart
sing along with the mermaids
it's you I want, love me your way
I won't say no anymore, at least for today
I ask for nothing, I pray no god
my heathen eyes have seen enough
and this is outrageous

there are worn out places
like this around the universe
where because of Beauty
our miseducated souls meet
I see no meaning for such meeting,
or maybe I'd do, if you were here
to change the rules of the skies
with me, at last, with me.
it's you I want, love me your way
I won't say no anymore, at least for today
I ask for nothing, I pray no god
my heathen eyes have seen enough
and this is outrageous

vabbò pe mò basta ca mi dole a capu.

Il Caffè di Mezzanotte

2010-01-29T09:40:00.000-08:00

Non c’è traccia della neve finora. Il telegiornale mi annuncia candidamente che stai dormendo, con la guancia sinistra appoggiata al cuscino. Mi viene da sorridere, e non m’importa più di nulla, perché niente può resistere al ricordo più bello, quello che mi zittisce, almeno per un po’.
Si lo ammetto: finora ho vissuto contemplando il sole, ma nessuno sembra credermi quando dico che non è poi così accecante. Basta che qualcuno ci offra il suo primo sogno della sera, e da quello prendere tutta la vita che c’è. Quella luce bellissima da guardarci dentro.
E invece è mezzanotte, e non c’è traccia di mani pronte a porgermi uno stupido sogno, così come non c’è traccia della neve. C’è però il solito vento – quello non si stanca mai – per le discese di Cortale, così silenziose..prima che tu arrivassi, rimbombavano di niente, scoppiavano di quella orribile ed ipocrita malattia che è la tranquillità. E di quella al telegiornale non dicono mai nulla.

Onde Verdi - La Prima Sera

2010-01-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

Nelle mie visioni notturne - influenzate senza dubbio da ascolti poco ortodossi – oltre ai soliti loschi personaggi, stavolta c’era Londra. La City e i grattacieli. Nessun altro posto regge il confronto. Ma nessuno, anche lì, riusciva a dirmi la verità.

Dimmela tu la verità, tu che sai come farlo. Perché qui tutti mentono appena chiudo gli occhi. Anche quando mi pongo questioni elementari – chi ha messo in fila i mattoni? chi ti ha dato un sorriso simile? – mi sembra tutto un enorme mistero figlio di questo buio sinuoso.

E il delay delle chitarre proietta spettri verdi là dove fino a poco fa c’era più o meno niente. Beh, è arrivato il momento di restituirmi all’infinito esattamente come mi hai trovato anni fa. Nessuno ti fermerà. Però prima dimmi la verità, come hai sempre fatto, solo tu, mentre gli altri mi cantavano la ninnananna.

Dimmi perché il mare mi sembra una schiuma blu, dimmi chi ti ha dato questo sorriso. Dimmi la verità ora che non ci sente nessuno, qui nessuno ci riconosce – capirai, a Londra!

Prova a convincermi adesso che il blackout è finito e siamo noi a decidere se accendere le luci. Quelle luminose, come dice Paul Banks.

NORD-OVEST

2009-12-11T09:42:00.000-08:00

gli angeli guardiani sul ponte conoscono il tuo nome, e non mi lasciano passare.

conoscono il suono che rieccheggia quando ti chiamo, anche qui a Roma, e guardano verso di me invece di continuare a fissare il sole.

voglio vedere le strade che s'incontrano come noi non abbiamo mai fatto, proprio dove non ti aspetteresti di incontrare un fantasma; giù dove sgorgano le fontane gemelle e dove la luce è nata, tanto tempo fa.

sei stato tu che per primo mi hai ricordato del crepuscolo e della mattina presto a Londra, sei sempre tu che porterei a camminare per queste strade dove sono ora.

e mentre guardo avanti, credo di aver appena visto la tua schiena.

a sud est.

Dreaming Cape Town // Sognando Città del Capo

2009-06-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

dedicato al mio tesoro vicino, e al suo tesoro lontano.

E’ successo di nuovo. Ho passato la notte a sognare.

Sognavo Città del Capo, sognavo di non avere terra davanti a me..e mi sono svegliata con l’odore delle strade coloniali nel cervello. E’ successo ancora. Sono stata a guardare la mia stessa fine.

E poi c’erano le baie della Sardegna, quei posti dove mi sento a casa, coi marciapiedi rossi e bianchi e la sabbia..e l’innocenza perduta. C’eri anche tu, come fossi un fantasma, e allora ho capito di non essere sveglia.

E’ incredibile cosa è rimasto di me: un cuore ballerino, uno sguardo distratto e curioso che attraversa i cieli mediterranei. Non è un sogno..e neanche un incubo: d’altronde gli incubi non spaventano chi ha visto un milione di momenti passare senza lasciare traccia.

Non sono sveglia, non sono sveglia.

°°°

oh it happened again
I dreamt the night away
I woke up with the smell
of colonial roads in my brain
I was dreaming of cape town
of no land in front of me
oh it happened again
I witnessed my own end

and then it was sardinian bays
places that feel like home
with pavements red and white
and sand and innocence was gone
and you were there in ghostly shape
I'm not awake, I'm not awake

unbelievable, what's left of me
a dancing heart, a distract look
curiosity across meditarranean skies
nightmares can't scare who's seen
a million moments pass without a trace
I'm not awake

BORDERLAND

2009-05-10T06:37:00.000-07:00

being in love
in a place like this
where everything is small
and unforgettable
you end up loving the
most colourful things
like sunsets
and sudden rainbows
you end up counting up
the verses in every song
and you don't need a God at all
or you think so
but the horizon
that horizon will always
cheat us all.

because I need to
guess which sea you belong
from such distance
every storm looks dangerous
I need to understand, you know
cause no borders doesn't mean no loss

being in love
in a town like this
where everything is worse
than you'd ever expected
love comes softly
as the best thing you can get
with such tenderness
that it makes you think
your feelings are too raw
and you'll die alone
but you won't die alone

because I need to
guess which sea you belong
from such distance
every storm looks dangerous
I need to understand, you know
cause no borders doesn't mean no loss

this song is a fair homage to my hometown written right after my 6-days journey to Prague.

TO SEE OR NOT TO SEE

2009-05-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

say you know you're worth all this struggle
all this fighting against mother nature,
the zodiac signs aligned or scrambled
to see or not to see it happen

say you know I was born nostalgic
they all wished I'd've had big dark eyes and
they were all pleased, but I'm still doubtin
to see or not to see you in my iris?

and wherever moon
may be hiding right now,
a half is silver right above me,
I'll send the other half for you

say you know you're worth all this wondering
all this clockwise routes my brain's drawing
and now against whom is gravity working?
to see or not to see we're falling

and wherever moon
may be hiding right now,
a half is silver right above me,
I'll send the other half for you

it doesn't matter if people can see it or not, you know that something's happening, and it really matters to you.

FOR YOU ONLY

2009-04-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

may these words be
fresh september rain
on your eyes
may the moon
remember where
your head lies

for you only
the nature's obeying
this time I know it is
for you only
the music's writing
itself again, yes it is

may these words be
the good news
you've been waiting for
may the sun
forget where
your shadow hides

for you only
the nature's obeying
this time I know it is
for you only
the music's writing
itself again, yes it is
writing itself

this song, originally meant as a translation of one of D'Annunzio's works, has "written itself" in two takes. The lyrics represent the only original concept I've ever had of my love.

SHIPS

2009-03-18T12:13:00.000-07:00

my hands are clean, as you can see
for they've touched seas and seas
I collect tears instead of pearls
among all colours of universe.
my face is clean, as you can see
apart from the same old ink drops
time's on my side and slowly
it leads you far from coming home.

sleep, as long as you can sleep
for all the things we need
are out of reach
promise, as long as you can do it
feel free to break your promises

how many times do I have to wonder why
and wonder how, once more
it's raining days, it's raining hours
it seems the heavens want me alive
I do believe in what love has made of me
even though it's madness, madness indeed

sleep, as long as you can sleep
for all the things we need
are out of reach
promise, as long as you can do it
feel free to break your promises
you're not alone at sea

look at my ships they're sailing
look at the waves that welcome you
you're not alone at sea
the pearls I've left will guide you here

and sleep, as long as you can sleep
for all the things we are
will stand still.

(it seems I re-wrote the story of Dido and Aeneas, but I swear I didn't want to)

BROTHERS&SISTERS

2009-03-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

for the years to come and for the miles that
could separate our hearts someday
I don't want chance to be blamed for everything
for the vowels missing and for february 13th
I still remember myself hiding
there's something else that flows between us
and it's still here.

give me your hands, both of them
you know what I have to say
but my breath is shorter than yesterday
and it's raining lead into my head.

for the years to come and for the place
that's hosted our souls so far
I don't want numbers and ideas to frighten you
for the ones who don't believe
that planets don't meet only once
there's something else that wakes me
it's my own silence.

give me your hands, both of them
you know what I have to say
but my breath is shorter than yesterday
and it's raining lead into my head.

CONTACT

2009-02-16T09:52:00.000-08:00

I need to sleep
I've had enough of this light
too much is missing here
and everything is misplaced
and I live for you only
for the songs
in which you seem to live
with me, with me
and all these feelings
harboured in you
I know them only
I know the sequence

first there were lies
and lies lived as truth
then I knew madness
and the certainty of me
waiting without you

and then contact
I saw the best of my regrets
in a moment
and I realized I lived for you only
in a moment

I need to sleep
I've had enough of these wrong words
too many things I feel
that don't seem to have a meaning

(written because I am jelous, I am jelous, I am a jelous girl)

2009-01-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

Two times in my life, two times I remember, I remained speechless while hugging a person; two times that literally changed my way of waiting.

The first unforgettable hug – it was early 2008 – happened to be somewhat maddening, or at least it was what I felt at the beginning. Since then, my sense of time suffered an absurd shock. I could no longer be a child in my father’s arms, no longer a little girl in my little friend’s arms, I just wanted to be myself (a girl, a woman, it doesn’t really matter) in the arms of my Chosen One. Was he, is he the Chosen One? Nobody knows – nor do I. I know who he is, I’ve selected him among a thousand other Chosen Ones, because everybody here has an exact task to apply to which makes him a Chosen One. Now I know who he is, now I know he was the Chosen One for that hug, he was born for it. There’s no other explanation. Who is he to turn off the lights of the whole universe? Who is he to give me such questions to answer to? And who I am to answer? Am I the Chosen One for answering?

The second impossible and unforgettable hug – the day of my 18^th birthday – was something I had foreseen, inevitable and liberating. A friend, the best one, the last one to arrive that evening, the most awaited friend of mine. I hugged her. She’d been away at university for just a week, seven September days. It was the first time I had really missed someone apart from the Chosen One. And then suddenly I knew who I was, and why I was condemned to questions and answers, I understood why I had never paid too much attention to the time I spent waiting – because I had never really waited before.

THE ONLY ONE

2008-12-10T08:17:00.001-08:00

I need that memory to surface from the sea
of days and miracles I've never seen
and once again my mind is empty,
there's room enough for you
to let coincidences happen a-new.

I'm the only one
who's had enough of hell and paradise on earth
of all the things that come not to last,
I'm the only one left.

here comes december, twelve odd years elapsed
the curve of destiny and hope is straight
pointing like an arrow towards you now
so I see where I'm going, but I don't know how

I'm the only one
who's had enough of hell and paradise on earth
of all the things that come not to last,
I'm the only one left.

IN A GREAT BALL OF FIRE

2008-12-02T11:55:00.000-08:00

look at the colours, look at the sea
tomorrow we'll write a piece of poetry
and if you look on the left side of a dream
you'll recognize our ghosts breakin free

and yes I remember, I'm used to it
I remember, in the perfection of sunset
everything is shown for what it is

it wasn't destiny or chance that made us who we are
it was all because of God's mistakes

look at the colours beyond this glass
look at the heavens that never rest
another breath you draw will shred no cloud
and stop no dawn

(this is for my best friend, but she doesn't know)

OVERSEAS

2008-11-25T12:43:00.000-08:00

running down my body
it's an electric breeze
forgotten dreams have haunted me for years
now I'm rowing overseas
waiting for the breeze to cease
I wonder where you're hiding now.
what if I found you on the next island?
close to the route of my thoughts
I asked the sky, no answers
just another day of rain, I know.

I can still hear you, sense you
fear you and it hurts
what time has foretold me for years
I've tried to invent a distance
but it's much worse than yesterday
I wonder how far is home in this night
I don't want to find you on a different island
you who mark the route of my thoughts
I'll ask the seas not to answer while
a tidal wave will take me home
[back to port stoned].

(I don't even remember why I wrote this, maybe I don't even like it, but it's built around the Bminor chord and only God knows how I love it, there are thousands of waves in that motherfucking chord)

THIS MESS I'M IN ( WHAT I AM)

2008-11-21T09:34:00.000-08:00

this mess I'm in seems to concern
the whole universe, the whole universe
and I don't know what else this night
has put aside for me, aside for me
this mess I'm in that makes me wish
I was made to quit, but I'm made to fight
swim in a sea that's my prison made of all the feelings I hide

though I don't care
although I don't seem to recognize
the icy light still burning in my eyes
I'm messin it all up again
I'm stuck in this defeaning pain
silence

this mess I'm in seems to be shaped
on the nightmare I've tried to shatter
you're there, in a parallel mirror
to reflect the worthless dreams I have, all I am

though I don't care
although I don't seem to recognize
the icy light still burning in my eyes
I'm messin it all up again
I'm stuck in this defeaning pain
silence

I'm just asking for silence
wonder where it's gone
it's not hiding here with me
has it come to visit you?

(written 2 years ago, when I was dead)

PERSPECTIVES

2008-11-20T10:24:00.000-08:00

sitting on the stairs
looking at the holes in my memory
remember when only you could come around and hurt me?
sitting on the stairs
I see that the sky is still above me
what else is meant to last apart from it?

sitting on these stairs
wishing that the world could end here
remember when only you could hold my hand and save me?
sitting on these stairs
I keep everything unspoken
just to see if you can hear me anyway

and if you know a better place
where different stars have the same name
take me there, take me home.

(too many things to say about it..)

AND NOW?

2008-11-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

you know I've read too many books
to be afraid of never ending stories
you know I've seen too many signs
along the way to be afraid of deceiving things
I am no longer small and feeling alone
darkness and time are nothing I fear
and now, what shall I do?

guess what's just come around to find me
my dear old fear of not having you here
oh, I must look so lonely, but whoever you see
it's not me, it's not me, I'm fine
I'm the secret desperation in nobody's head
too busy smiling to living ones and now
and now what I shall do, now that I fear you
now that I fear you

(written after a whole night spent listening to safe trip home)

21/03: THE WEATHER WAS AWFUL

2008-11-18T06:48:00.000-08:00

as we run fast, this to be the last
of all our damned races against life,
the rain that's runnin down my beating body,
and the thunders
noises coming from the abyss of my own memory
cutting the face of this endless night,
and the morning to be golden signs
of the fact that you're mine.
as we run fast, the bleeding hands of my soul to hold you.
I'm sincere I don't need the air to be weak
cos I know that I'm the only one
to notice that it's full of ancient curses again. (curses again, curses again)
look at the stains marking the light of this day
as we run fast this to be the last of my pains.

as we stand by the way the clouds fly
had never bothered me so much so far
just like the things I thought I would've never told you
and the lightning
atoms blasting in the silence of our deserts
taking a photograph of this useless fright
and the evening to be peaceful signs
of the fact that you're mine.
as we run fast, the bleeding hands of my soul to hold you.
I'm sincere I don't need the air to be weak
cos I know that I'm the only one
to notice that it's full of ancient curses again. (curses again, curses again)
look at the stains marking the light of this day
as we run fast this to be the last of my pains.

THE END OF THE STREET

2008-11-17T12:15:00.000-08:00

I had the strange feeling
it was the last time I walked down that street
don't know how it happened
but the years gone by eventually fell down on me
I say how long would you wait for an answer?
tell me how long would you wait for me?

there was a warning silence
and the colours of the street lights were cheating me
I thought the dark was over
defeated, but then I couldn't see a thing
I say how long would you wait in this darkness?
oh how long would you wait for me?

I thought of you once again
and then I thought of the distances that separate us friends
I looked into my own head
to see if I had ever memorized a chaos like that
I screamed how long would you wait for a comeback?
c'mon how much would you risk for me?

(written after returning from gio's house)